she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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