the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You can't special order awesome
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
