you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
