The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
