I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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