the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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