Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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