i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
