I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
