And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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