I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
