i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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