just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
