Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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