Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize