Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
