I'm lost and stupid without you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
