Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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