The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Welp...herpes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
