i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
