im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
