the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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