True but thats because hes a fetus.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize