Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
