Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
