Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
there is glitter all over my balls
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