I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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