i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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