you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
