last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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