On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Will you blow on my dice?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
