More tranny stories later!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize