You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
