Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sext me about skeletons
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
