nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
