I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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