you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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