you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
