Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
