This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
