My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
