We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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