and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
