I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
