Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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