I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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