It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
