ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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