I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize