I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I cannot find my penis.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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