he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
