can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
