Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
