Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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