I want to have your abortion
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
