Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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