I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
