I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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