Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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