I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
