One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
