Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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