The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
