After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
