IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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