im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think i peed on brittanys purse
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
