Porn is love you can see.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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