Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
