Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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