ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
