I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize