the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
