You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
