Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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