I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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