This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
