the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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