Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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