she was so not down for the gang bang
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
