cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
