Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
