I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
