smell my finger.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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