Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
