who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
