i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
